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Monday, March 9, 2009
mama,can i be a sunflower when i grow up♥ 9:42 PM



I was out with the family the other day; a soto night out you might say. And since mum was too tired to cook, it was a befitting 'eat-outing' on a cold, rainy night.So we arrived at a restaurant near kiulap and seated ourselves comfortably behind a round table inside the building, sheltered from the pouring rain. All was well; bowls of hot soup steamed lazily in front of our faces, generating warmth in contrast to the chilly atmosphere.Then a slight disturbance was heard from a table nearby- a small boy being questioned of his basketful of homemade cakes and such. "apa namamu lai?" the woman asked while taking out a couple of dollars from her wallet. The man seated across her stopped eating for a while and examined the boy- exhausted, clothes wet and only a songkok protecting his head.


As the little boy answered her question in the most timid voice, the woman pressed on with a few more curious inquiries: where he was from, where are his parents, was he alone.


I only caught a glance of the little boy;not that i was arrogant or ignorant of his presence, but more of how i am familiar with the condition he is in.


As far as i know,everyday, he would walk around the shopping centre near the Berakas School, hanging around the restaurants and any eatery nearby. While others busily order food as they please, he attends to opportunities to sell, with only thin pair of slippers, flimsy shorts and a well worn out soccer jersey.

He knew me; he knew my family-a silent conformity that people have upon a few chance encounters.Those encounters were located so far away from where he was that night.How he even got to the soto restaurant was shocking for me.


He left as quickly as he arrived, without approaching our table.My mother pointed that out in the midst of me anticipating his meek voice, in hoping that money could be made. The situation had left frusturated on a number of levels.

Why did he deliberately avoid us?
Did we look that menacing?
Was he that embarassed?


It, i think, the decision he made, was due to dignity and respect-neither random strangers nor helping hands.He was polite in that sense which breaks my heart further.


I have pondered upon how it would be in his shoes; to face people as he was, bleaching away his pride, his sense of self, his purpose in life. Would that be it until he grows up?what can he do with no education?

i had once placed all my anger upon his parents for shouldering such burden alone at such a tender age. But who am i to judge their situation which i scarcely know of.


It was just unfair to me how his chance of being whoever he wants to be, the time and experience to see who he will eventually be, is stripped away from him forever.


While other children munch up fast foods, he gulps down his own saliva when his tummy rumbles; while some children have bubble baths hours on, he sits under a shade to protect him from the scorching sun of the midday sun; while some dreads school, he imagines how it would be like to just sit in a classroom, be taught by teachers, have homeworks and music lessons.


So every now and then, i do reasses my thoughts, the position i am in. I am lucky. I may not have mountains of money or people at my disposal but i have my freedom.Freedom within limits is still freedom. I can be who i want to be, knowing that i just have to take the step further.


The rain poured down like a symphony as i crawled into bed.Blinking a few times while reciting my daily Doa, I felt very thankful of what God have given to me. I went to sleep with hopes of a new day for me, and especially a better day for him.

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